Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
