she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i don't like sucking hair
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
