I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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