I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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