i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
