I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
