I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That's intense
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
