Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
