So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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