You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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