just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
