This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
