I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
