Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
