Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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