Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
