just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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