i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
