you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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