He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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