The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
