you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
