do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
