soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
