If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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