Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
