Duck Duck Cougar?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
