I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
