pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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