so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
