God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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