He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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