Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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