now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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