Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
