Jerry, you need to find god
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
