I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
