I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
