I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
