I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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