he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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