I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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