I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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