Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize