Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We are two peas in an std pod
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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