I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
