I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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