I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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