I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
