i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Randomize
