I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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