Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
