Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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