I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
