I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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