i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
