I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
