Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
