i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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