Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
