you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
