There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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