Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
farters have to be the big spoon...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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