so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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