Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
