I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
